Remembers Valentine
by rokubinosukanku
Summary: Castiel tries to sort out what he remembers. Excerpt: Valentine.He remembers that name. He remembers that occasion. He remembers he ever told someone -a human with bright soul, smell of leather and green eyes- that humanity is doing wrong...


**Title:**Remembers Valentine

**Author:**rokubinosukanku

**Pairings:**None

**Rating:**PG-13 / K+

**Words Count:**1.500 something

**Spoilers:**Seems so. Made by the rumor around Cas' coming back.

**Summary:** Castiel tries to sort out what he remembers.

**Notes/Warnings:** Made for a Valentine/Mardi Gras contest in SupernaturalObsessed group in deviantART.

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><p>Valentine.<p>

He remembers that name. He remembers that occasion. He remembers he ever told someone -a human with bright soul, smell of leather and green eyes- that humanity is doing wrong with everything about it.

He told the human, that while it was a feast day, it doesn't mean that they should drunk into oblivion, and it certainly has nothing to do with sex. Love, yes. But it's more in the way of peace and affection of among GOD's creatures.

It was the day of giving. Sharing what you own more to them who own less. Not a day of desperately finding a partner to date, whether it's forever or just for one day. Not a day to whoring themselves for a mate. He told all that to the human, but the human just laughed and brushed it off. He has a distinct feeling that the human liked to do that to him a lot.

_"It doesn't matter, C-"_

His head hurts. Cradling it in his arms, he remembers those words came out of the human's lips. But what was the last word? What was that human's voice sounded like? He wants to remember, he wants…

"ARRRRRGH!"

Hurt! Head hurts too much! His eyesight become blurry, everything is vague. He thinks he see many people start to come around him, people in white. They holding him, holding his trashing body that he's not aware he does it, he doesn't even aware the scream that still coming out of his throat. When he starts to realizes it, he feels a sting inside his elbow, and everything become black.

**SPNSPNSPN**

In all of his blur and black reminiscences, only one that lights so bright. But even that, he could never pass more than two green orbs and the smell of leather. That frustrated him more than anything.

The line that he holds for the sake of keeping his sanity and find out self-identity is too thin and easily break. Whenever it breaks and leaves him in the depth of dark bottomless abyss, when he kept falling and falling, he always tempted to just let go and be oblivious to anything. It seems much more comfortable.

But as always, that thin line would suddenly come back to him, dangled in front of his face, dancing to the non-existence wind, calling him to once again take hold until the next time that line breaks. And as always, no matter how much he already resolved to not care anymore, he will clings the line for his dear life. Maybe it is.

**SPNSPNSPN**

He remembers hungers, beers and burgers. The burgers were for him, and the beers were for the human. He never stopped eating and the human never stopped drinking.

But the human didn't eat or was eating so little. He feels and felt it was unusual. The human didn't even go to look for mate-partner. He got the feeling that it was also unusual.

He remembers he asked that to the human. Was there nothing that the human desired to the full extent? He remembers the human smugly answered, _"Maybe I'm just well-fed, C-"_.

That again. That last word that he can never be able to remember what it was. Head once again feels like exploding, but now he can hold on. He HAS to. Gritting his teeth and holding his head in his arm, he wait until the pain passed, and wait, and wait while never let go the "line" and hoping it won't break this time. He has to find out, must to remember.

Green orbs, leathers, pink-red, hearts, alcohol, it was all swirl inside his mind-vision. Please, please just this one. Let me remember. What happened? What happened?

**SPNSPNSPN**

Today fells so clear and lovely. Been days since his last terrible headache. Been days since he screamed and trashing uncontrollable. The people in white gave him the privilege to step out of his room for that. He went to the garden that has large oak tree and sits there, breathing full fresh air and enjoys the winds that softly caress his face and hairs.

It seems there are confident in his progression among the people in white. That's relieving. He wants to remember. He feels he's needed somewhere by someone, was it by the human? He has to go and help, he has to go and do something important. But he cannot, if he can't remember.

A young woman in white comes and sits next to him. Calls him by name that he sure that isn't his real name. He stares at the woman whom smiles kindly to him. He can tolerate her presence; she doesn't treats him like some data on papers, honestly wants to help him remembers and makes him feels like he's still a… living being.

"Do you like chocolate?" She says while holding out a small piece of the confection in her hand to him. "Do you remember ever tasted it? Here have a go."

He takes a double take on the sweet and her smiling face, before he cautiously took the food. If any how it could, her smile seems getting bigger when he takes the candy and clutches it hard near his heart. His eyes still not leaving her face.

"It was supposed to be your share of Valentine-chocolate. But two weeks ago you were not in any shape capable to receive it. I'm glad I still have some spare. So, even though it's late, but still… do enjoy it." With one last smile, she stands up and leaves him.

When he sure he once again alone, he unclenches his hand and sees the chocolate –already misshape due to his tight grip- in it. Chocolates. He remembers that. He doesn't remember the taste, but he remembers he ever ate it. He unwraps the plastic covering and put the candy in his mouth and instantly rupture of sweet exploded in his mouth and myriad colors of memories burst in his head.

**SUPERNATURALSUPERNATURAL**

_"Dean, did you honestly just made Cas flew all the way to Switzerland to bought yourself a box of chocolate?" That was the first thing Sam said when Dean and Castiel zapped back to the Motel Room._

_"Say whatever you want with it Sammy! Keep on it and you won't get any share. These would be only for me and Cas." Childishly Dean clung to the chocolate's box to his torso and away from Sam._

_"What? NO! Share! That's the Rare Chocolate that they only sale at Valentine Day." Wanting to snatch the box, Sam ran to his brother who tried to stretch his one arm which holding the box out of Sam's reach, and the other one push Sam away. It was ridiculous considering Sam's arms were way longer than Dean's. But Dean would never give up that easily especially when it concerned chocolates._

_Castiel was still stand in the same spot since he arrived; transfix-ly staring below him at the brothers who wrestled on the ground nears his foot. "You could take my share Sam. I don't need any substance."_

_"Can't do Cas!" That was surely made Dean straight up to look at Castiel with piercing stare. "You should eat it, this more than 'substance'. Chocolate is the greatest pleasure. It's like Heaven on Earth, Food of Gods, better than Ambrosia!"_

_"Dean, I know for sure what Heaven is like." In the middle of his speech, Castiel was not realized that both Sam and Dean were sharing a look with meaning that only the brothers could decipher. "Also God and Ambrosia do not—HMMMPH!" The next thing he knew Sam was pounce him and held him down while Dean tried to shove some chocolate into his mouth._

_The motel's room was filled with the sound of carefree and joyful laughs._

**SUPERNATURALSUPERNATURAL**

Sam. Dean. Cas-Castiel. He remembers. He remembers the names, his name, what he is. He has to go, go to them!

Standing up abruptly makes him go dizzy that he has to lean to the tree holding his forehead which throbs like it will split apart. Then he realizes that he was crying in the span of his memory outburst. Tears, water on his face, on his hand, mixed with some of the melted chocolate that he not yet ate. Melted chocolate, brown, dark brown, black….

Black goo.

Water.

Lake.

"AAARGHHH! NO! DEAN! HELP! DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Dark and cold.

**SPNSPNSPN**

White walls. He can see he's already back to his quarter, moreover he is strap to the bed.

"Are you awake?" Voice, near him, a person in white. "You always made a scene aren't you? You were screaming and trashing your body so strongly that we had to sedate you. But I will call that a progress, it seems you just got a memory-attack. You keep calling for the name of 'Dean'. Can you tell me what you remember about that name?"

"Dean? …Who is that? Who am I?"

All he knows, he longs for another Valentine.

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><p>+6B+<p> 


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